Being an artist

It is hard to be an artist – seriously hard

Recently I had a little bit of breakdown… and that is the reason why I have barely posted anything this month.
Being an artist or aspiring to be a good artist comes with a lot of pressure and stress. I am not sure if people actually realise how hard it is for an artist to be an artist. We are constantly aiming to create the best work we can possibly create, and still deep down we know we will never be fully satisfied with it’s outcome. It is an endless circle of creating good work and bad work, work that we are happy with and work that makes us doubt our abilities, work that makes us want to tear a part all of our sketchbooks, bin all of our art supplies, our pencils, pens, brushes, paints, markers, crayons, everything that is related to art and drawing. We just want to shut all of the widows, doors and blinds and just give up entirely on everything, because we are not good. We start burying ourselves in blankets, the burden of stress and pressure are like a stone put on our chest slowly but effectively taking our breath, we feel a sudden rush of heat running through our body to our head, and we are starting to feel dizzy… Oh, can someone please help me and put me out of this misery!!!!!!! – we are letting the depression win…………………………. And then in this sea of madness and sadness we can hear one little thought running through our head…. don’t give up… just don’t give up yet… And suddenly we are finding ourselves sitting in a chair with pencil in our hand and a piece of paper in front of us, slowly forgetting what it is that made us so depressed that we wanted to give up THIS, this ecstatic feeling of creating, a wonderful power to make something incredible. The thing that we love so dearly, the facts that we are an artist and that we can draw things.

I am sorry for my little runt there, but I think it really shows how I have been feeling recently. I have been working really hard on my comic last month, and I thought that this month will be the same. I also tried to squeeze in working on other illustrations but with the new job it got so overwhelming that I just snapped, couldn’t cope with the stress and pressure and I have fallen into ‘artistic depression’. But I am slowly recovering and I have made some new works – mainly sketches not finished pieces and I am hopping to slowly go back into posting. I really like having this blog but I found it is really hard to keep on top of the regular posting schedule. It is not that I don’t want to do it, or I am lazy, it is just that sometimes I have no time to do anything and I found that this is also putting a lot of pressure on me, so therefore I have decided to listen to my husband’s advice and take it easy. If I worry too much about posting schedule I will not be able to focus on the quality of my work, I will just post anything for the sake of posting and that is not why I have this blog, this blog is suppose to be fun… a place where I can post my funny comics, my illustrations and other stuff. Also recently I have been slowly easing into re-studying Japanese (my Japanese is not that bad but it does need a lot of improving) and all of my textbooks are now ready for some revising action, haha… I will be probably posting about that as well, a sort of Japanese studying diary or something like that.

Anyways that is it for today and to end this very confusing post I have a fresh new illustration for you, created this week. What I love the most about the end of a long day is that I can just hang out with my husband, have a meal together and have a nice conversation and a lot of laugh. xD

dinnerscene_agatanozaki

 

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